Forever Our Dismal Lives
by xxchompchompchompxx
Summary: Post S2  Mary is set for a doomed marriage to Sir Richard, but Matthew has decided that he wont let her throw her life away, especially when he's realised that Lavinia had been right about his love for her. RxR please :3 not good at summaries
1. Chapter 1

**First Downton Abbey fanfic 3 3 enjoy!**

'_I believe she died because of that kiss, and we are the ones that killed her. We could never be happy now don't you see? We're cursed, you and I. We're cursed you and I, we're cursed you and I' _

Mary woke up with a start, Matthew's words still whirling around in her head, over and over again. Mary's face crumpled and she covered her mouth to hold back a sob as she once again entered the world of reality that she was doomed for a life with a man who she did not love and was indebted to. It had been a couple of days since she had last spoken to Matthew, and Richard was continuously trying to move the wedding forward. She had told him plenty of times that she had felt it would be inappropriate to wed so soon after Lavinia's death but he still was determined to try and sway her. Mary muffled her tears into her hand, letting her façade and control have a break. All the emotions that she felt were let out and her heart felt like it was being continuously stabbed.

Mary got out of bed and wiped her eyes, still trying to grab control of her tears, and walked over to the window. Opening the curtains she saw that the sun was just peaking but the sky was grey, there was fog and the landscape was bleak. Slight droplets of rain were falling on the large window and Mary realised that she had stopped crying and felt the urge to go outside. It would be totally inappropriate, but the servants were not yet up and there was no one around. Closing the curtains, Mary left her room in her thin silk nightgown and with bare feet, her long chestnut brown hair falling to her waist and swaying gently with every step she took. She slowly and quietly walked past family and guest rooms and made her way to the door. When Mary opened the door, a gust of wind hit her face; its harsh icy touch burning her skin, yet it felt so good and she felt free. She stepped outside and felt the rain touch her face and as the rain mixed with her dry tears, a small but genuine smile made its way to her face and she took her first step onto the gravel, feeling each individual stone beneath her feet. Mary made her way towards the fields, her feet becoming accustomed to the wet ground, her skin numb to the cold air and the rain. She had no care in the world and she felt so free. Mary was aware wearing hardly anything outside in this weather would be sure to make her catch her death but she had nothing to lose now. She did not have Matthews love, she had nothing to inherit, she was damaged goods and she was doomed for a cold and loveless marriage.

* * *

><p>Matthew hadn't left his room since Lavinia's funeral, mainly to avoid talking to Mary and seeing her. His nights had been sleepless and lately he found himself sitting by the window and just watching. He knew he should be thinking of Lavinia and mourning her but he could not get Mary out of his mind. Her ivory skin, her slim figure, her dark locks of hair and those brown orbs she had for eyes. There was no question that Lavinia had been right that he loved Mary still. But Lavinia had made him happy, he felt secure, she had looked after him when no one else had and that was why he loved her. In his turmoiled state of mind, he kept reliving the kiss that he and Mary had shared a few nights back, how right it felt to have her in his arms, the way her lips felt against his when they kissed….. the whole scenario had been so perfect. He had even admitted to Mary he wanted to leave Lavinia for her if it had not been for all that Lavinia had sacrificed for him.<p>

Matthew blinked and pushed the memory to the back of his mind and tried to concentrate on the rain falling softly against the window. He almost had to blink twice when he saw the front door open and Mary step outside. He found himself mouthing her name and he watched in horror as she began to walk towards the fields in nothing but her night clothes. The wind made her hair twirl in the air and she had never looked more beautiful to him. He watched her move towards the open fields and suddenly felt a pang of worry strike his heart. Mary would surely be taken so very ill if she was left out there for too long and her reputation as a lady would be ruined. Matthew, still in his evening wear, grabbed a coat, his cane and left his room to follow her.

When he stepped outside, he found that the temperature was much colder than he anticipated and now he was very worried for Mary. Yelling her name would do him no good as it would wake up the household. He walked as fast as her could towards the fields in which Mary had been headed and found that she had left a trail in the long grass from where she had been walking. The grass was wet from the rain and the morning dew and when he was further from the house he yelled out her name.

'MARY!' Adrenaline was running through his veins and he found himself breathing very hard. 'She can't have gotten far,' he told himself but then he remembered that she was far more agile than he and frowned, 'blast this stupid stick, MARY!' he called out again. Walking as fast as he could he followed her trail until he came to the middle of the gardens. Downton could not be seen by the naked eye anymore and Matthew stopped short when he saw a figure lying limp in the fields. Dread filled him and he hobbled over to her, ignoring how wet his trousers were. She looked like how her grandmother had described, '_She looked like Juliet on awakening in the tomb'_ only this time, she was not an awake Juliet, but a dead Juliet. Grimacing slightly, he bent down and shook her. Her skin was ice cold to the touch, her night gown almost see through if it were not for the mud and grass stains on it. 'Mary, Mary, please wake up, I beg of you, please wake up.' He said and her eyes fluttered slowly open and she sat up slowly.

'I dreamed I saw a great wave climbing over green lands and above the hills. I stood upon the brink. It was utterly dark in the abyss before my feet. A light shone behind me, but I could not turn. I could only stand there, waiting.' She said in a ghostly voice before turning to look at a shocked Matthew. 'The wave is Richard, the dark is my marriage, the abyss….' Her voice turned into a hushed whisper, 'is my life'.

Matthew noticed her eyes were glassy from crying and he helped her up before putting his coat on her. 'Mary, you're going to catch you're death, we need to get you back inside.' Matthew said and he offered his hand for her to take but she looked at him with a look he feared would haunt him.

'I believe she died because of that kiss, and we are the ones that killed her. We could never be happy now don't you see? We're cursed, you and I.' she said softly. 'That's what you said to me the last time we spoke. And now…. You want me to go back to Downton but we will never be happy, we are cursed, we are murderers! How can I carry on living now? I am to marry a heartless man, to be forever in debt to him and all because I am cursed!' she sobbed and Matthew just stared at her in bewilderment. He had obviously hurt her with his words far deeper than he thought.

'You do not have to marry Carlisle, Mary.' He said gently and Mary shook her head.

'No, I must. If I do not, I will end up a spinster, I will be endangering the family, I will be endangering me and I will be endangering….you.' she said softly. 'The only way out of this is for me to die. Oh I wish to God I was dead.' Mary began to sob again and Matthew didn't know what to do.

'Mary, do not wish death upon yourself. You do not have to marry Carlisle, how is marrying a man you do not love endangering anyone?' he asked exasperated and Mary let out a callous laugh, to which Matthew flinched.

'I shall tell you why cousin Matthew, seven years ago….. I took a lover.' She said. Somehow talking to Matthew in this state was far easier than with her cool persona. Matthew looked like he had been shot.

'What?' he said in a hoarse whisper.

'I took a lover, Mr Kemal Pamuk. He came to my room uninvited but yet, I did not push him away for if I did he would reveal that he had been in my room which alone would have caused a scandal. He died in my bed, in my arms. He died in the arms of….. of a harlot.' She spoke with self-disgust and Matthew was in total shock. 'And Richard knows, I told him when Mr Bates' former wife threatened to sell her story. He made sure that it would remain a secret so I am indebted to him,' her eyes flickered towards him and she touched his face, her cold hands making him flinch, 'that's why I could not marry you Matthew, I could not subject you to a whore, a slut like myself. You were better off without me and then I killed your fiancé by allowing my feelings for you to slip.'

Matthew was still reeling in shock as he tried to digest the information. He was feeling mixed emotions at the moment and he knew that he needed time to mull things over. He looked back at Mary and noticed that her lips were turning blue, her eyes were half shut and she was mumbling over and over to herself. His now soaking wet coat would not help her.

'Mary, I'm going to have to carry you back to Downton, I will not let you kill yourself for you are not a murderer, I don't care if you and that Turkish diplomat were…. Intimate, I will not let another woman I love die!' he cried and he picked Mary's surprisingly light body up, after discarding the heavy coat. Mary had not heard a word of what he had said and was shaking violently. 'You will not die on me Mary Crawley.' He vowed before making the long trek back to Downton Abbey.

**RxR please :) will update asap :) x**


	2. Chapter 2

Matthew was becoming increasingly aware that Mary was becoming colder and colder and he was nearly at the house. His eyes sought for anyone who could help him and luckily he came across Anna, who was carrying coal towards the house.

'Anna!' he called out, loudly enough for her to hear but not enough to wake everyone up. Anna gasped and dropped the coal before running up.

'Mr Crawley, Sir? What happened!'

'I saw her walking outside! So I followed her and I found her, we must get her warm Anna, else she will catch pneumonia.'

'Or worse.' Anna said, before realising her mistake, 'oh I do beg your pardon sir.'

'No its quite alright Anna, it was not your fault. I shall take her to her room whilst you gather the necessary equipment. No one must know of this Anna, not even Lady Grantham.'

'Yes Sir.' Anna said before running off back to the kitchens. Meanwhile, Matthew took Mary to her room and laid her down. Just as he had put her down, Anna entered the room and gasped at the sight.

'My poor lady, we must get her out of those wet clothes immediately!' Anna exclaimed. Matthew almost choked.

'_We_?' he asked incredulously.

'Sir, I don't want to put you in a position which is highly unethical and immoral but Lady Mary's life is at stake and I need help!' she said and Matthew nodded.

'Of course, you're quite right.' He said softly and Anna smiled and locked Mary's room. 'Sir, I will need you to hold her upright whilst I get her out of the gown.' Anna said and Matthew did what he was told and he remained a gentleman by closing his eyes. Soon enough Mary was in a clean night gown, a fire had been made up, a bed pan was heating up the bed and Mary's skin was much warmer.

'I suppose I'd best be going' Matthew said and Anna nodded.

'Yes Sir.'

'Matthew.' Mary croaked, the sound of her voice making both others jump. Matthew walked over to her.

'I'm here Mary, I'm here.' He said, taking her hand and sitting down. Mary slowly turned her head to face him, a single tear leaking out of the corner of her eye.

'Now you know, can you… can you forgive me?'

'Mary, there is nothing to forgive.' He whispered, chuckling slightly. Mary shook her head.

'There is.' She licked her dry, cracked lips, 'if I had been stronger, I would have had the will power to turn him away or I would have been able to tell you. I have spent the last 7 years loving you Matthew and had I not hesitated, I could have been married to you.' She whispered.

The scene was almost heart breaking and even Anna found herself wiping a tear away. Matthew was at a loss for words. His heart soared because she had admitted that she still loved him and Lavinia had requested that h be happy and it seemed that Mary was his happiness 'Then I forgive you Mary, and forgive me…. Forgive me for not trusting your feelings.'

'Matthew, listen to me.' Mary said before coughing a bit. 'Matthew, I am engaged to be married, nothing can happen between us now… ever. I will not condemn the family because of my disgrace, I'd rather die first. You and I must be friends, no, less than that… we must be only acquaintances.'

'But Mary…' Matthew said, his heart now aching again but Mary would not listen.

'Once I am married, Richard will not let me alone with you, he will not let me visit Downton at all. I know what he's like, I know what he's capable of and I will not let him destroy everything Papa has worked so hard to get. You must go now.' Mary closed her eyes with exhaustion.

'Very well Mary,' Matthew said, his voice cracking and he bent down and gently kissed her, determined to remember the feel of her lips pressed against his, how soft they were. If he were to lose another woman that he loved, he wanted to make it that he would never forget their last moments as sweethearts together. As soon as his lips touched hers, Mary instinctively pulled him closer and deepened the kiss before suddenly pushing him away.

'I love you Matthew, but no more, no more.' She whispered, turning her head away from him and letting a tear slide down her face. Matthew nodded dejectedly before going back to his room and getting the first sleep he had had since Lavinia's death.

* * *

><p>'MARY'S CAUGHT THE SPANISH FLU!' was what Matthew woke up to. All remaining colour in Matthews face went when he heard those five words. The dreadful disease had come back to haunt him again. Immediately, he threw back the covers and made his way to the corridor.<p>

'My Lord!' he cried when he saw Lord Grantham standing by Mary's room.

'Matthew!' Robert's eyes were filled with worry.

'I heard someone yell Mary had Spanish flu!'

'That would be Sybil.' Robert shook her head but Matthew was dissatisfied that he had no answers.

'You avoided the question! Is it a yes or no!' he cried.

'Well, Sybil has personally diagnosed her with it, but Doctor Clarkson is examining her now.' Robert said and Matthew let out a sigh of relief.

'Well let us pray to God that she shall be spared from the terrible disease. I'm sorry for my outburst sir.' Matthew sighed and Robert patted his shoulder.

'Don't worry about it Matthew, we are all concerned.'

Suddenly Cora appeared from the door. 'We have good news and bad news Robert…. Oh Matthew I did not see you there.' She smiled at him, 'which do you wish to hear first.'

'Give us the good news.' Robert said and Cora nodded.

'The good news is that Mary has not contracted Spanish Flu.' Cora smiled and both Robert and Matthew felt a weight lifted off their shoulders, 'she will probably just need to be in bed all day so that she may recover for tomorrow.' Cora said.

'And the bad news,' Robert inquired.

'Carlisle has to be informed and I have to go and get one of the servants to wake him up.' Cora sighed. Matthew grimaced at Carlisle's name and realised how obvious it was that everyone disapproved of the match between Mary and her fiancé. How had he not seen it before?

'You may go and see her if you wish Matthew,' Cora said and she sighed, 'I'll go and call for Mrs Hughs.' And she walked off just as Dr Clarkson emerged.

'How is she Clarkson?' Robert asks.

'Her ladyship is very weak my Lord, and although it is not Spanish flu, thank God, she is in danger of developing serious pneumonia. Do you know if Lady Mary left her bed chambers at all during the night?' Dr Clarkson asked.

'Not as far as I am aware.' Robert replied and Matthew swallowed, considering telling them of Mary's walk in the rain but he soon decided against it.

'Perhaps she went for a little night air, it was dreadfully warm in the house' he said instead.

'Well if she did, that would be an explanation as to why Lady Mary is like this, especially in this weather.' Dr Clarkson said as Carson rounded the corner.

'Carson? Is everything alright?' Robert asked.

'No My Lord, we have a visitor who is asking for an immediate interview with you.'

'Alright Carson, I'll be right there.' Robert excused himself and followed Carson towards his library.

'May I see her Clarkson?' Matthew asked and Dr Clarkson nodded.

'Of course Mr Crawley but, just be wary. Her current state may bring back painful memories for you.' He said placing a hand on Matthews shoulder.

'I shall look after her Dr Clarkson.'

'Repaying the favour then?' Clarkson chuckled.

'Doctor?' Matthew raised an eyebrow.

'Well when you were taken ill, before the late Miss Swire came back it was Mary who cared for you night and day, like a devoted wife. She even wore an apron Mr Crawley… I assumed that you knew.' Clarkson said, surprised and Matthew frowned.

'No, I can't say that I did, but thank you for telling me Sir.' He smiled and shook Clarkson's hand before he left.

Matthew took a deep and entered Mary's room where Anna was sitting in the chair, not having moved since he had last been in the room.

'How is she doing?' he asked and Anna looked up at him.

'Not very well at all Sir; we just have to be grateful that it is not the Spanish Flu.' Anna said and she looked at Mary's pale face. Matthew nodded in agreement.

'Anna, would you mind fetching me a chair so that I may sit beside her?' he asked and she nodded.

'Of course, sir,' Anna smiled, leaving the room to get a spare chair. Taking advantage of the alone time he had with Mary, he bent down and kissed her forehead.

'Matth…' she murmured.

'Hush my love, you must conserve your energy.' Matthew said.

'Mmmm.' She nodded in agreement, 'but I've been… so….so….stupid.' she licked her dry lips and Matthew jumped when Anna entered with a chair. She set it down behind him and he thanked her with his eyes when he sat down.

'No you haven't been stupid.' Matthew said, stroking her hair. Anna smiled softly, and decided to man the door.

'Have.' Mary couldn't open her eyes, 'I lost… you…. now…. I've made…. myself…. ill… ' She said weakly and Matthew shuffled closer to her. 'Standing….on the abyss.' She murmured and Matthew did not know what to do.

'Don't talk like that. You will always have me.' Matthew whispered and he kissed her hand.

'Mr Crawley, Sir Richard is coming!' Anna whispered and Matthew released Mary's hand and stood up, Anna running to stand by him. Literally seconds later, the doors flew open and Sir Richard and Lady Grantham walked in.

'Mr Crawley, how interesting to see you away from your fiancés grave or your room' Richard stated coldly, to which everyone flinched 'how is she doing?'

Matthew sucked in his breath and forced a tight smile on his face, 'Dr Clarkson has said it is not Spanish Flu, but she could develop Pneumonia. She needs to rest as much as possible.'

'Well she'd best hurry up and get well, she and I must wed before Christmas.'

Cora looked shocked at Richards statement, 'Sir Richard! Surely you should be more concerned that Mary gets better rather than marriage.'

'Of course I would like Lady Mary to get better but she needs to understand that I will not stand for her constant delaying!' Richard growled and he marched over to Mary's bedside and sat on the bed. 'Mary my darling.' He said in a soft voice, which surprised everyone and Mary turned to him.

'Richard.' She murmured.

'Yes, I'm here…. What were you thinking you silly girl, catching something like this…. One would think you had been walking outside in nothing but your nightgown.' He said in a joking matter but Matthew blinked at him, something wasn't right… did Richard know? Sir Richard looked at Matthew, his dark beady eyes shining brightly, 'shouldn't you be making your way back to Manchester now Mr Crawley?'

Matthew opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by Cora.

'Sir Richard, Matthew is family and is our guest here at Downton and you shall not speak to him in this way.' She said, 'I think we should leave Mary to rest now…. All of us.' Cora looked at Matthew as she said this before turning back to Sir Richard, 'Only Anna may stay as she is Mary's maid, let us all retire for a spot of lunch.' Cora gestured towards the door and cleared her throat.

'Yes Cousin Cora, I couldn't agree more.' Matthew smiled and made his way out of Mary's room.

'I quite agree,' Richard smiled before putting what looked like a kiss on Mary's cheek and whispered in a menacing tone, 'Mary Crawley, don't think you can ever hide what you do from me, I saw you leave the house, followed by Matthew Crawley. You are treading on egg shells my dear. What makes you think Matthew will ever want you? He brought you back to me, now I suggest if you want to save your family from ruin and we let this… incident slip, you move up the wedding and you restrict your conversation with Crawley, do you understand me.' And with that he left.

**R x R please :)x**


	3. Chapter 3

A couple of days had passed since Sir Richard had threatened Mary and she was now well enough to get up and about. Tonight, Mary would be joining everyone for dinner and she stood now in her room, trembling with fear as Anna placed her in a deep red evening dress.

'Anna, may I confide in you.' Mary asked quietly.

'Of course my lady,' Anna smiled as she finished doing the buttons up on Mary's dress. Mary sat down, ready for her hair to be put into place. Anna began to comb her soft locks and Mary sighed and began to speak quietly. 'What should I do about my feelings for Matthew?' she exhaled deeply and Anna sighed.

'There is not much you can do my lady,' she said and Mary nodded.

'You're right, but I must suppress them. Richard has forced me to move up the wedding so I shall be announcing my choice tonight.'

'Lady Mary, is it a good idea that you marry Sir Richard?' Anna asked and Mary looked at her in the mirror, 'sorry my lady, it was not my place to say such things.'

'No, it was not Anna. But in answer your question, you and I both know that I must. In order to preserve the family honour I must wed Richard, but I have told Matthew of my transgression and that is enough for me.' Mary sighed as Anna finished her hair. 'And now Anna, I believe I must make an entrance at dinner.' She stood up and exited her room, putting up her walls. Richard had told her to hardly talk to Matthew, so to protect her family she would. When she entered the room, everyone surrounded her with hugs and congratulations on her speedy recovery, but her eyes immediately were drawn to Matthew who was smiling at her. A couple of moments passed and she tore her eyes away and thanked her family for their concerns. Suddenly Richard came up to her and kissed her cheeks.

'Darling, so very glad to see you are better.' He said, his eyes shining brightly.

'Why yes thank you.'

Suddenly Robert clapped his hands, 'Shall we all head into the dining room for dinner?' he smiled and everyone made their way to their seats. Mary was about to sit down in her seat, which had been placed next to Matthew's when Richard stopped her.

'Mary darling, do come and sit by me, I have missed your company so, I'm sure Edith will not mind.' He said and Mary nodded.

'Of course,' she said, with a resigned tone and Matthew frowned as he watched Edith and Mary switch places. Dinner was quiet and the whole time Mary felt Matthews eyes on her and she felt a ball of knots develop in her stomach as she realised that she had to announce that she was moving the wedding up, 'So I have some news, everyone.' Mary said and everyone looked at her.

'Well whatever is it Mary?' Violet asked and Mary forced herself to smile.

'I've decided that I would like to move Richard's and my wedding forwards. You see I am quite eager to travel and Richard has promised to take me places I can only dream of and I don't think I can hold back any longer.' Mary said with false happiness. Everyone seemed to buy her story except for Matthew, Edith and Sybil, who could immediately sense Mary's discomfort.

'Why Mary, when are you planning on marrying?' Cora questioned and Mary chuckled.

'Well I was hoping we could book the church for say in two weeks' time?'

'TWO WEEKS!' Matthew and Cora cried together and Matthew blushed and looked at his feet.

'Yes, two weeks. I think that's enough time for preparations.' Mary said her attitude defeatist.

'And then we shall be as happy as can be.' Richard grinned, taking Mary's hands in his own, 'won't we Mary.'

'Of course Richard.' She smiled at him.

'Well I guess this calls for a toast.' Lord Grantham said, 'To Lady Mary and Sir Richard,' he said, raising his claret glass and everyone raised their glasses.

'To Lady Mary and Sir Richard,' they all chanted and everyone drank to them. As Matthew drank his wine, he watched Mary. Her face looked sad and she looked very uncomfortable in Sir Richard's hold.

'Well, shall we all retire to the drawing room,' Robert smiled and everyone got up, 'Matthew, I would like to speak to you first though, in private please.' He said and the two men walked to Lord Grantham's library, 'Matthew, how are you?' he smiled gently and Matthew sighed.

'I've been better.' Matthew smiled at Robert, 'and how are you Sir?'

'I'm concerned if anything.' Robert said and he sighed and sat down, 'I'm concerned that Mary is going to enter a life of misery with Sir Richard, I'm worried that she's going to be unhappy when I'm gone,' Robert sighed, 'promise me you'll look out for her.'

'I promise Sir, but you won't be leaving us for quite some time.' Matthew smiled.

'I don't know Matthew, as one gets older they start to feel when they are deteriorating and I feel like I am deteriorating and I'm worried that I will not live much longer. I need you to promise me that when I'm gone, you will look after everyone.'

Matthew was in shock at what he was hearing from Robert, 'I promise Sir,' he whispered.

'Good,' Robert exhaled a large breath and tapped his knees and nodded, 'good. You're a noble chap Matthew, and I'm proud to name you my successor. You've been like the son I've never had and you deserve Downton.'

'Thank you Sir.' Matthew smiled, 'I guess we'd best go and join the ladies.'

'Yes, yes we must.' Robert said and before they left the library, he rested a hand on Matthew shoulder, 'you mustn't speak a word of this to anyone, especially Cora or Mary… I don't want them worrying about my health, particularly when Mary's marriage is now closer than ever.'

'Of course sir,' Matthew said, his heart aching at the thought of Mary marrying another man.

'I don't know what made Mary change the date of the wedding because now I think about it, Mary was adamant on waiting until the mourning of Lavinia was over.'

'Really,' Matthew asked, shocked, 'she said that.'

'Yes, I mean Mary was incredibly fond of Lavinia,' Robert smiled, 'she was determined to make sure that her wedding would not draw people's minds away from mourning Lavinia and she felt it highly disrespectful,' Robert explained and Matthew was quite shocked. He knew that he should be mourning Lavinia more rather than pining after Mary, but he could not live in the past and Lavinia had made it her dying wish for him to be happy. The more he thought about the situation, the more suspicious he became of the whole situation, 'my idea is that Carlisle is behind it, for some reason he is desperate to make Mary his wife.' Robert shook his head and walked out. Matthew decided that he needed to talk to Mary about her decision and he needed to do it quickly.

Matthew soon noticed when sitting in the drawing room that Mary paid no attention to him and just sat next to Richard. She did not start conversations but only nodded in acknowledgement and spoke when she was addressed.

'So Mary, where are you planning on going for your honeymoon?' Matthew asked her and she looked at him.

'We haven't decided yet.' Mary said softly and she turned away but Matthew was determined to make her speak to him.

'Surely you cannot have a wedding and not have a honeymoon planned?'

'Maybe, then again, maybe not,' Mary said before standing up, 'I'm tired so I shall bid you all goodnight.' And with that she left the room.

'I think we should all go to bed,' Violet said and all parties nodded in agreement. Matthew stood up and bid goodnight to the ladies and started to walk towards his room when he was stopped by the sight of Mary standing on the balcony. Quietly he entered the room as the clock chimed eleven and shut the door, locking it so that they would receive as much privacy as possible. He sat down in the chair and waited for Mary to walk back in. When she did, she closed the dorr curtains and didn't notice Matthew sitting by the fire place.

'Do you think you can ignore me so easily?' he said, making her jump.

'Matthew!' she cried in shock, 'what are you doing here?'

'We need to talk Mary, there so much we need to talk about,' he said softly and she looked at him and decided that Sir Richard's threat was the last thing on her mind so she sat down.

'Well, let's talk then.'

'First off I want you to know that you are not damaged goods.' Matthew said softly and he was entranced how the glow of the fire illuminated her skin, 'I want to know why you moved the wedding.'

'I already told you why at dinner… I want to travel.' She said and Matthew shook his head.

'We both know that that is not the truth Mary.' Matthew said softly. Suddenly Mary stood up.

'I should go,' she said making a swift exit for the door but Matthew stopped her in his stride.

'Its locked anyway and I have the key.'

'I will not be hold hostage in my own home!' Mary stomped her foot like a child and Matthew chuckled, walking over to her and taking her hands in his own.

'Looks like you already have, now tell me the truth.'

'Matthew…' Mary pleaded but one look into his eyes and she had melted, 'Richard has threatened me again, he told me that I had to move up the wedding, and that I had to stop speaking to you.' Her eyes welled up in tears and he shook his head.

'Mary…. That dream you told me about, where Richard is the wave, your marriage is the dark and the abyss is your life…'

'What about it…. It only haunts me every night.'

'Well you said there was a light, let me be that light…. Turn towards me, let me be there for you.' He pleaded with her and she shook her head.

'I wish it were that simple Matthew but I just can't let the family suffer because of me.'

'They won't, we all love you too much to let you do this!' Mary shook her head.

'Matthew, you mustn't say things like that…. You should be mourning Lavinia; she has only been dead just over a week!'

'I have mourned Lavinia! It is hard for me to speak her name but she will never be you!' Matthew said in a hushed whisper, trying to be as quiet as possible in case someone should hear them. Mary looked at him with wide eyes, 'I love you Mary Crawley, I have never stopped loving you and I know you love me too!'

Matthew smiled at her and she returned it immediately, 'And you love me, despite I am not virtuous,' Mary asked.

'Mary, we all make mistakes, we wouldn't be human if we didn't make them. The best results that come from mistakes are that we learn from them… I assume there has been no one else.' Mary shook her head, 'well there you go Mary, I understand why you refused my proposal now…. But in hindsight, I'm now glad you did because it gave me the chance to fall in love with you all over again and it has made us stronger and I intend to marry you my love… if you'll have me.' Mary's heart soared with happiness and she embraced Matthew, taking in his scent, 'you are my stick Mary and I will always need you and love you.' He whispered in her ear before kissing her passionately.


	4. Chapter 4

Mary went to bed that night feeling the happiest she had felt in a long time. Matthew loved her, all she had to do now was try and break off her engagement to Richard. She slept well that night and woke to the chirping of birds. A smile made its way onto her rose lips and she brought a delicate hand to touch them, remembering how passionate her kiss had been with Matthew. She got up and dressed herself, much to Anna's surprise when she walked in to see her mistress completely dressed. Mary decided that she would stand up to Richard that morning after breakfast and sure enough when the time came, she felt her heart rate increase.

'Richard, might I have a word with you? In private,' she said and Richard raised an eyebrow.

'Of course my dear,' He said, getting up and following Mary outside of the drawing room and as soon as the door closed and they were away from spectators, Sir Richard grabbed Mary's arm and threw her into Lord Grantham's library. 'What in God's name was that? How dare you humiliate me so! You as a woman have no right to talk to a man in such ways!' he growled but Mary remained perfectly calm.

'That may be your opinion Sir Richard, but you are under my father's roof and therefore you shall listen to me. I am not going to marry you.'

Sir Richard blinked at her before laughing cruelly, 'you think you can just break off our engagement as if it meant nothing?'

'It did mean nothing. You called it a business move yourself. I want love in a marriage, not to be a bulbul to your friends down in London, the fault is mine for even accepting your proposal' she said and his eyes began to shine as anger took over his body, yet Mary did not stop, 'you can ruin me and my family if you wish but in the end, what good will it do? My father is loved by everyone, Sybil is engaged to be married, and Edith too has a suitor! If needs be I am willing to be a spinster, if it means avoiding marriage to you! You have no regard for me and for once the fault is not mine, it is entirely yours!' she yelled at him. And in no less than thirty seconds, she felt a sharp blow to her body as his fist met her stomach, the impact forcing her to the floor.

'How dare you speak to me like that!' he growled, 'You will marry me or else I will make sure that your beloved Matthew will be brought down to the status of a pauper.'

'I… will still love him, no matter how rich or poor he is!' Mary said, getting up and facing Carlisle once more, 'you have no control over me or my feelings and I will not stand for this.' She hissed and Carlisle just laughed once more.

'Mary, Mary, Mary, you think you have the energy to stand up to me but you are only an ant…. An ant that has wondered far away from his anthill and is in real danger of being,' he paused, 'squished.' Once again, he raised his fist and again he beat her to the floor. 'You WILL be my wife!' he growled before storming out. Mary started to cry and realised that he would never leave her alone unless she married him. She doubled over in pain as she got up and followed him back to the drawing room. Matthew studied her closely when she re-entered and he couldn't quite work out why she suddenly had started to behave differently. He also could have sworn he had heard raised voices during the time that Mary and Sir Richard had been absent from the room.

'So how are the arrangements for the wedding coming?' Sir Richard asked and Cora smiled at him.

'We are actually finished Sir Richard,' she said with pride and she took a sip of her tea.

'Good because Mary and I are to wed on Saturday.' He announced and everyone almost choked, whether it was on their tea or their saliva, they were all shocked. Mary suddenly felt a wave of dizziness come over her and she dropped her tea cup, just like she had done back in 1918 when Matthew had been hurt during his time on the front.

'Mary dearest, are you quite alright?' Lord Grantham asked and Mary nodded.

'Yes Papa, I'm quite alright.' She said, 'I am just surprised that Sir Richard announced this without consulting me.'

'Yes, as am I.' Matthew reiterated and he observed the reactions between Mary and Carlisle.

'Well I guess we'd best tell the church to prepare for the wedding tomorrow' Cora said, immediately getting up and suddenly everyone was moving about. Suddenly the door opened and Carson stepped in.

'Excuse me my Lord, but we have a phone call for Sir Richard.' He said and Richard excused himself and followed Carson. Mary immediately exited the room with Edith undetectably stuffing a note in her hand, while Matthew followed close behind. He grabbed her arm when they were quite alone and noticed that she winced, leaning forward slightly as he made her turn towards him.

'Mary, what's going on? Have you completely forgotten yesterday?'

'I tried to end my engagement to Richard but it backfired. I'm so sorry, so very sorry Matthew.' She whispered and he felt like his heart had once again been snapped in two. He gently took her in his arms and she winced, whimpering in pain.

'Mary?'

'He struck me Matthew, I cannot anger him again and if I do not marry him, he will never leave us alone… ever.' Matthew could not believe it and it pained him to say his next words.

'Then marry him for I will not see you be punished, but promise me that you and I will always love each other. Sir Richard is old and works a lot, sooner or later he is bound to expire and then my darling, my love, and then we will be together.' He whispered, pushing his lips to hers and locking her in a passionate kiss.

'Come to my room tonight.' She whispered in his ear as he kissed her neck. He stopped and looked at her with shock, baffled at how she had even considered asking him that. 'I want to be with you before I marry that vile man. I am already damaged goods so Sir Roger will not know the difference.' She said kissing him again and Matthew nodded before leaving her. She smiled as she reread the note that Edith had passed her.

'_Lovemaking does not have to end with a child.'_

Mary smiled softly, now glad that Edith was one of the few people who knew of her transgression and the war had made it so that they were closer sisters than before.

When the clock chimed three in the morning, Matthew entered Mary's room to find her sleeping on her bed. He crawled on the bed towards her and began to kiss her softly, making sure that he didn't hurt her torso where she had been brutally attacked by Richard. This act of love woke her up immediately and she immediately embraced him. Their night together was pure paradise and when it was over, Mary lay in Matthew's arms.

'I still can't believe we did that Mary, it shouldn't have happened.' Matthew whispered and Mary sat up.

'Are you regretting it?' she bit her lip but Matthew brought her back down and kissed her, stroking her soft skin.

'I would never regret this Mary, ever, not if it means that I can never have you next to me again. Damn society's rules,' He whispered against her lips, 'I love you, I love you so much and I will love you no matter what people say about you.' Matthew whispered and Mary felt her heart swell with love and she kissed him passionately again.

'I love you too Matthew.' She whispered back, tears streaming down her cheeks, 'and I'm glad I was able to make love to you before I marry Carlisle this afternoon.'

Matthew stiffened and he gazed into her eyes, 'I don't care if you get married Mary, we will be together, no matter what.' He said, kissing the top of her head and holding her closer.

'But Richard will take me away; we will not see each other.' Mary wept and Matthew squeezed her tight.

'As long as we love each other, nothing will happen my love.'

* * *

><p>Mary looked in the mirror as she stood in her wedding gown, a single tear making her way down her cheek. Her mother, sisters and Anna were in the room and all looked at each other, each giving a look of sympathy.<p>

'Mary, you mustn't cry, you did choose to marry Sir Richard.' Cora said and Mary shook her head.

'I know, I know… but a woman's wedding day should be the happiest day of her life, yet I feel like as soon as this day is over my life will be over.' She said softly and Sybil put a hand on her shoulder.

'Mary, Sir Richard will be good to you.' She smiled and Mary nodded.

'I know he will. I suppose I had best get this over with.' Mary said, picking up her bouquet of cyclamens, harebells, hyacinths and poppies. Cora frowned and looked at her.

'Mary, your bouquets flowers are so depressing!' she cried and Mary shrugged.

'What do they mean Mama?' Edith asked and Cora looked at her middle child.

'Cyclamens are for resignation or goodbye, Harebells are for submission and grief, Hyacinths are for sorrow and poppies are for eternal sleep, Mary…. why?'

'Because this is how I feel, this will be my life. I will be a prisoner in my own home, to my own husband,' Mary snarled, surprising her family, and she looked at herself in the mirror once more. She looked at the white beaded dress that clung to her every curve, her veil covering her face. She looked beautiful, even she knew that herself, but she did not feel it. The only thing that bought a smile to Mary's face was that she and Matthew had given themselves to one another only hours ago and for that she was grateful, 'Well, let us make our way to the church.' She said, leaving her room and walking towards the car, where the new chauffeur, Mr Ruskin, was waiting for her.

When she arrived at the church, Mary clutched her father's arm tightly, 'Mary, you still have a chance to walk away, it is clear that your heart does not lie with Carlisle.' Robert said gently and Mary shook her head, 'and I know you know it. I only want to see you happy my dear, marriage is long and it will be even longer if you are spending it with someone who you don't love.'

'I will learn to love him.' She said, forcing a smile on her face.

'Well if you are sure Mary,' Robert sighed and stood up straight as the music began. The doors opened and the two walked into the church. Mary looked at the end of the aisle to see Sir Richard standing there, his eyes shone brightly and she took a deep breath and began walking towards him. On the way down the aisle so passed Matthew and the exchanged glances of pure sorrow and finally Robert passed Mary over to Richard.

Richard held Mary's hand tightly and pulled her towards him, embracing her.

'Are you his whore?' he asked her quietly in her ear and Mary's breath caught in her throat.

'No, how dare you suggest such a thing.' She whispered back angrily and Richard's grip tightened on her, 'I'm here, I'm marrying you, you're getting what you wanted.'

Richard's grip relaxed ever so slightly as they walked towards the alter and the vicar, 'I want you to be happy with me Mary.' He murmured.

'I will never be happy with you Richard,' Mary said coldly and Richard even winced, 'you have hit me, you control me and much more, what makes you think I could ever be happy with someone like you?' she muttered before putting a smile on her face.

'Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of God and in the face of this congregation to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony. Into this holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined. If any man can show just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace.' The vicar bellowed and as he talked, Mary felt her dress becoming tighter and tighter and it became harder to breath as her veil became heavier, the weight making her feel dizzy. No one spoke and she looked in the reflection of the glass to see Matthew's head was bent and she found that she was breathing fast and her corset was preventing her from breathing.

'I can't breathe,' she whispered, touching Richard's arm with one hand, the other on her stomach whilst gasping for air and Richard rolled his eyes.

'Really Mary, this is not the time for this,' Richard growled before looking at the Vicar who was glancing at Mary with worry, 'she'll be fine Vicar, continue.'

'Very well,' he stated, 'I require and charge you both that if either of you know any impediment, of why you may not be lawfully joined together in Matrimony, you do now confess it.'

Mary felt hot and cold at the same time, she was sure now that she had done her corset too tight. She couldn't let Anna see the bruises so she had to do it herself. God she had been stupid.

'Rich… Richard… I can't breathe.' Mary said again and she bent her head, people in the congregation now beginning to notice.

'Mary.' Richard growled, his voice holding a warning tone. Meanwhile Isobel had poked Matthew.

'Matthew I know this is hard for you seeing Mary marry Sir Richard, but something isn't right… Mary looks like she's about to faint!' Matthew looked up and saw that Mary indeed wasn't looking well and the Vicar was looking worriedly at Mary. Sir Richard was talking to him and it looked like he was urging the vicar to continue.

'Carry on Vicar…. She will be fine.' Richard said, angry at his fiancé.

'Sir Richard John Carlisle, wilt thou have this woman to be thy wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love her, comfort her, honour, and keep her in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto her, so long as you both shall live?' The vicar asked, his eyes staying on Mary.

'I will.' Richard smiled  
>'And will you, Lady Mary Jane Crawley, wilt thou have this Man to thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love him, comfort him, honour, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?'<p>

'I can't breathe.' Mary said before collapsing onto the marble floor, her head smacking it hard.

'MARY!'


	5. Chapter 5

**So who saw the Downton Abbey Christmas special mini spoiler and picture in the paper? Stupid or what - the romance should be between Mary and Matthew, not Rosamand and some new guy!**

'MARY!' Matthew cried and he jumped out of the pew and ran towards her, followed closely by Cora, Sybil, Isobel and Robert. Richard looked down at his fiancé and rolled his eyes.

'I'm sure she will be fine, perhaps she just needs a little air.' He smiled and Matthew glared at him.

'Good God man! Are you blind!' he yelled, 'You're fiancé is lying on the floor unconscious! Show some more concern!' he yelled.

'Mother, she's not breathing!' Sybil cried and Matthew felt a surge of panic go through him and he dropped to his knees, hissing slightly in pain, and performed the kiss of life on her, something which he had learnt on the front but nothing. Sybil looked at her sister whilst Matthew continued to try and resuscitate Mary.

'Mother, her waist looks far too thin don't you think.' She said worriedly and Cora nodded.

'Yes, yes it does now you mention it. And didn't Mary lace herself up this morning?' Cora said as realisation hit her face, 'move away Matthew.' She commanded and Matthew moved aside, tears leaking down his cheeks, 'Robert, please ask the guests to occupy themselves and not to concentrate on Mary please.' Cora said, 'I must work fast.' She said and she began to undo Mary's dress, not caring if the men saw. She got ripped open the front and looked at Richard. 'I need a pen knife.'

'Do I look like someone who would carry a pen knife.' Richard scoffed.

'Here cousin Cora, I have one.' Matthew said, handing it to her. Cora cut open the corset and released Mary. Immediately Mary sat up, gasping for air and breathing heavily.

'Mary!' Cora hugged her daughter.

'Can we continue with the wedding now?' Richard asked through gritted teeth and everyone looked at him in shock, 'Mary?'

'I suppose we had best.'

'Mary! You can't, not after this!' Matthew pleaded and she looked at him sadly and gave him a soft smile.

'You know I must, everyone has come down for today so I must not let them down.' Mary sniffed and she got up, Cora retying her wedding dress after removing the corset.

'Ladies and Gentleman, we are ready to continue.' Richard announced and there was a murmur before all went quiet and Matthew couldn't believe his love was throwing her life away. 'Continue where you left off please Vicar.'

'Er yes, Lady Mary Jane Crawley, wilt thou have this Man to thy wedded husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou love him, comfort him, honour, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?'

'I will.' Mary said quietly. The vicar smiled and looked at Mary and Richard.

'Sir Richard, please repeat after me. I Richard John, take thee Mary Jane to be my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.'

'I Richard John, take thee Mary Jane to be my wedded Wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.' Richard said, his eyes gleaming and Mary shifted uncomfortably on the spot.

'Lady Mary, I Mary Jane take thee Richard John to be my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.'

'I Mary Jane take thee Richard John to be my wedded Husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.' She said, choking back tears and Matthew closed his eyes and shook his head. Richard smiled as he was handed a ring and he grasped Mary's hand harshly, ready to put on the ring.

'Sir Richard, please repeat after me, with this Ring I thee wed: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.'

'With this Ring, I thee wed: In the Name of the Father and of the son and of the holy ghost amen.' Richard grinned, itching to put the ring on Mary's finger.

'Bless, O Lord, this Ring, that he who gives it and she who wears it may abide in thy peace, and continue in they favour, unto their life's end; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.' Richard then placed the ring on Mary's finger and she bowed her head in sorrow. 'O eternal God, Creator and Preserver of all mankind, Giver of all spiritual grace, the Author of everlasting life; Send thy blessing upon these thy servants, this Man and this Woman, whom we bless in thy Name; that they, living faithfully together, may surely perform and keep the vow that each of them have made, and may ever remain in perfect love and peace together, and live according to thy laws; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. Sir Richard John and Lady Mary Jane have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this congregation, and thereto have given and pledged their troth, each to the other, and have declared the same by giving and receiving of a Ring, and by joining hands; I pronounce that they are Man and Wife, In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.' Mary and Richard kneeled in front of the vicar and he smiled and placed his hands over their heads. 'God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Ghost, bless, preserve, and keep you; the Lord mercifully with his favour look upon you, and fill you with all spiritual benediction and grace; that ye may so live together in this life, that in the world to come ye may have life everlasting. Amen.'

'Amen.' The congregation finished. Mary felt dead inside, she was now married to Carlisle and the look of pain on Matthews face was more than she could bear.

'I must now ask that you both sign the marriage certificate and then you will be legally married.' The Vicar stated and Matthew watched as Mary and Richard left with Cora and Robert.

Mary looked at the certificate and realised that when she signed this document, she would essentially be signing away her life. She grasped the gold fountain pen in her hand and shakily signed the certificate. At least now, Richard would remain silent about her and what she had done. When she re-entered the church, she noticed that Matthew was now back in his seat giving him a heartbroken look on his face.

'Sir Richard Carlisle and Lady Mary Carlisle have signed the certificate and may now share their first kiss and husband and wife.' The Vicar announced and Mary gulped, facing her husband and closing her eyes, holding her breath. Soon enough a pair of lips came in contact with hers and surprisingly Sir Richards lips were very soft and gentle with this kiss in comparison to the angry one he had given her a few months back. Of course he wasn't Matthew but she shut her eyes and actually found herself enjoying the kiss, even though she wished she wouldn't. The church bells rang and Mary detached herself from her husband and smiled at the congregation half-heartedly, her eyes immediately seeking out Matthew who was smiling and clapping like everyone else. Sir Richard held his arm out for Mary to take and she held onto it, her face in a forced smile and he walked her down the aisle and into the village hall, which was attached to the church, with the guests following them. A small buffet was there for those who would not be returning to Downton for the formal reception and it gave the opportunity for Sir Richard mingle and Mary to find Matthew. Mary scanned the room for her lover and sure enough he was in the corner talking to her mother, seeming to be in a deep conversation. Mary decided that she would leave him for now and as she turned her head, she noticed the graveyard out of the window. Quietly, she slipped out of the hall in only her flimsy wedding dress and walked through the snow towards Lavinia's grave. She hadn't visited her friend's grave since the funeral and for some reason she felt it was a good time now. Bending down, she removed the snow that covered her name, the coldness of the snow stinging her warm hands and making her fingertips feel numb. Mary looked at her bouquet and laid it down in front of her grave.

'I wish you were still with us Lavinia, I wish it had been me and not you that lied beneath the earth now.' She whispered, 'I know the flowers in my bouquet aren't the best, but I'd rather they'd go to you than on the wall pressed as a memorial of my marriage.'

'Darling, are you there?' Violet's voice rang out and she walked towards her granddaughter.

'Granny, you shouldn't be out here, you'll catch your death,' Mary said and Violet smirked.

'Speaks the bride who is not wearing any sort of coat at all,' Violet smiled, 'Mary, are you alright?'

'Of course I'm alright Granny, I just got married, I'm as happy as I'll ever be,' Mary laughed coarsely and Violet raised an eyebrow.

'Mary…'

'Granny, whatever you say cannot change anything, Richard and I are married now and as you have told me from when I was a child, life is not a bed of roses. Well you were… are right Granny,' Mary choked back tears sitting down on the bench next to Lavinia's grave, 'I will be living amongst many thorns.'

'Oh Mary,' Violet sighed, sitting next to her. She looked at her granddaughter, her eyes filling with pride, 'I may be old but I am not stupid, I know you married Sir Richard to protect the family.'

'How did you….,' Mary started, shocked. Violet wiped away a stray tear with her leather glove covered hands.

'How I discovered it matters not, I just want you to be happy.'

'I can't be happy without Matthew Granny, and you know that!' Mary covered her face. Violet cradled her grandchild in her arms and Mary breathed in her grandmother's perfume. It always managed to soothe her and soon she felt the cold, 'perhaps we should go in Granny, I'm starting to feel the effects of this winter weather.' Violet released Mary from her hold and together they walked back into the village hall.

**RxR please, else the next update wont be arriving quite as quick :3 x**


	6. Chapter 6

Richard had stayed true to his word and had whisked Mary away as soon as the wedding was over and Matthew was not happy. It had been six months since the wedding and he hadn't seen Mary at all. He'd visited Downton a lot of the time and it was quite clear that Lord Grantham's health was quickly deteriorating, worrying Matthew immensely. He had been reading the morning paper when he had received a telegram from Lady Grantham, asking him to urgently come to Downton and this caused him to worry further. As soon as he arrived, Carson escorted him to Lord Grantham's room. Cora was sitting beside her husband who was looking very pale and rundown whilst lying in his bed.

'Matthew Crawley, my lord,' Carson announced and Matthew entered.

'Matthew my boy, come here.' Robert said weakly, 'I think it is clear to everyone that I am dying.'

'Sir, you mustn't think that way, you will be right as rain in no time at all,' Matthew chuckled unconvincingly but he soon stopped when he realised what Robert said was true. Suddenly the door flew open and Mary ran in, her cream dress flowing behind her. She looked much thinner and more covered up than he remembered.

'Papa!' she sobbed, not even noticing Matthew in the room and she fell to his bedside.

'Mary my dear,' Robert said softly, stroking her hair, 'I was not expecting you until later.'

'I could not wait for Sir Richard to finish his work so I came alone, if my husband feels like it he will join us but I care not for what he does,' Mary spat before giving her father a gentle gaze, 'but that doesn't matter, you must concentrate on getting yourself well again.' She kissed his hand and held it to her cheek.

'Mary my child, I am dying and you as well as everyone else must accept it. I have known for some time now and that is why I have called Matthew.' Robert said directing his gaze at his heir. Mary had a look of confusion on her face before slowly following his gaze and looking straight into Matthew's bright blue eyes.

'Matthew,' she breathed and she stood up and walked over to him. She embraced him, clinging onto him tightly, 'I've missed you so much,' she whispered in his ear before pulling away and smiling at him, 'Cousin Matthew, it has been a while since we last saw each other.'

'Indeed Cousin Mary, I just wish we weren't meeting in such dreadful circumstances.' Matthew sighed and Mary nodded. Robert shook his head weakly, wondering why Mary and Matthew had cancelled their engagement all those years ago when they were so perfect for each other. Robert closed his eyes and felt himself slipping away into unconsciousness.

'Robert?' Cora whispered, touching his shoulders before shaking him.

'What is it Cora? I am tired.'

'I thought…'

'I know what you thought my dear… Matthew, my time upon this world is almost over and you my boy will become the Earl of Grantham. I know you will do a good job, take care of the family my boy, my son,' Robert whispered, his eyes still shut and Mary bent her head, tears rolling down her face and Matthew held her close.

'I promise Sir.' Matthew said gently and he looked at Cora who was crying and holding her husband's hand. Matthew held Mary close and as soon enough, Cora let out a wail of despair as Robert's hand went limp in her own and he exhaled his last breath. Mary turned towards Matthew and sobbed into his chest, whilst Matthew realised that he was now the 9th Earl of Grantham and Downton Abbey, the estate, everything was his. Mary sniffed and pulled away from Matthew and wiped her tears.

'I should write to Sybil and Edith and tell them to come. Sybil… Sybil is expecting her first child soon and Edith has enrolled at university, so I expect this will hit them both very hard.' Mary whispered.

'Mary, your mother needs you right now, I will write to Sybil and Edith.' Matthew said softly and Mary nodded, walking over to her mother. Sighing, he turned around and walked out to see Carson standing there with his head bowed.

'He's at peace now Carson,' Matthew said, putting a hand on Carson's shoulder.

'Lord Grantham was a great man my Lord, there is no doubt that you will follow in his footsteps.' Carson stated and Matthew gulped, he would have to get used to being addressed as my Lord and he would have to move onto the estate. Walking down the hallway, he stopped when he saw Violet sitting in her son's library staring out at the grounds.

'I did not think I would outlive my own child.' She said, sensing Matthew's presence. Matthew entered the library and sat opposite her, looking at her pained face and guessed that she had heard already. News obviously travelled faster than he'd expected at Downton.

'Your son was a great man cousin Violet and I will do everything in my power to make sure he is remembered. He was loved by everyone who knew him and he has left some big shoes for me to fill. I will make sure that you are well cared for Cousin Violet. You, Cousin Cora and Cousin Edith shall continue living here, nothing will change, only the fact that my room will become permanent I suppose.' Matthew ran a hand through his hair and Violet smiled weakly at him.

'You are a good man Matthew Crawley, a good man.' Violet stood up, 'I'd best go and comfort Cora, I wouldn't want her to do anything rash… if she went I would have no one to vex and that would be quite unfair.'

Matthew chuckled to himself softly and was left alone in the library, the aching silence taking over. This was his library now and he owned the entire estate and for some reason he had never felt so alone. He had no wife to share it with; it seemed all the women he loved had left him. Matthew sighed and closed his eyes before falling into a deep sleep.

He woke a few hours later and the house had a gloomy atmosphere. A note from Violet had been left on the desk stating that she and Cora had gone to London and that Roberts body had been moved to the morgue, the funeral scheduled for next week. Sighing, Matthew got up and rang for Carson and as soon as he arrived, Matthew asked him to sit down.

'What can I do for you my Lord?' Carson asked him, unaccustomed to sitting down, especially in the presence of the aristocracy.

'Carson, I want you and every one of the servants to take two weeks off, to show your respects to my predecessor and so that we may feel refreshed for the New Year, though I must request that you are all present for Robert's funeral next week.' Matthew said and Carson looked at him in shock.

'But my lord, the house…'

'Will be fine, I can take care of myself Carson, and I really do insist.' Matthew enforced and Carson nodded.

'Very well Sir. Did you hear that Her Ladyship and the Dowager Countess have gone to London to the spa? I was to inform you again if you had not.'

'Yes, I am aware and they will be back next week.' Matthew smiled.

'Should I call for Sir Richard to pick up Lady Mary?' Carson asked and Matthew blinked, quite forgetting that Mary was still at Downton.

'No, I shall deal with that Carson, just inform Lady Mary that I will be in the drawing room this evening and after that you are all to take holidays and I shall see you in the new year. Visit your families, travel the countryside, you are free until the New Year and you will still be paid, do not worry.' Matthew smiled and Carson mustered a sad smile.

'Very well my Lord.' And with that he departed.

The house had been very quiet since all of downstairs had left and Matthew sat in the drawing room, wondering whether or not Mary would join him. Sure enough the door soon opened and Mary entered, it being evident that she had been crying all day.

'Mary...' Matthew opened his arms and Mary embraced him.

'I miss him Matthew, I miss him so much.'

'I know Mary, but it was his time.' Matthew whispered, rubbing her back softly in circular motions and Mary sighed.

'I've missed you too, so so much Matthew,' Mary whispered, pulling away to look at him.

'As have I,' Matthew said, finding his voice was now much quieter and he found himself getting lost in her eyes, 'so how has married life been?' he asked, guiding her to the sofa and sitting beside her, keeping her hands in his.

'Oh Matthew, it's horrible, I hate my marriage with Richard.' Mary shook her head, a tear escaping. Matthew gently turned her head back to face him.

'Mary my darling, you look much thinner than I remember and far more covered. It is warm outside, why dress as if it is winter?'

Mary bit her lip and met his gaze, 'Richard wants his me to be thin. London businessmen think it's wonderful to have thin wives… the thinner the better. So whilst I starve, Richard goes and pleasures himself with his mistress. If I don't do what he says…' Mary paused and looked away before starting to undo the top bit of her dress, 'If I don't do what he says, he beats me.'

Matthew was shocked and watched in horror as she pulled the top half of her dress off to reveal purple and blue skin, some bit were fading, others were fresh. He reached out gingerly and gently stroked her skin and saw her wince slightly, 'Oh Mary,' he whispered and she looked at him, 'you can't go back to him.'

'How can I not? He is my husband Matthew, he would come looking for me.' Mary sighed and Matthew rubbed his temple.

'Then request you stay here for a few weeks to be with your mother and if he has a mistress tell him that she can replace you until you return.'

'Matthew, she replaced me the morning after my wedding night. I feel more of the mistress than the wife.' Mary sobbed and Matthew looked at her in horror.

'You mean…'

'Yes! She lives with us, she dines with us, she sleeps beside him, the whole of household knows about it, I wouldn't be surprised if the whole of London knew about it or if she was with his child! There are three of us in this marriage!' Mary burst out and Matthew felt pure rage towards Richard. He had taken Mary away from him, married her, then tossed her aside. 'Just love me Matthew! Please!'

'I will always love you Mary,' Matthew said, his anger being replaced with affection and he bent down and kissed her shoulder before making her way up to kissing her neck. Mary closed her eyes and stretched her neck further so he could continue kissing her, 'I love you so much.' He muttered before moving his lips to capture hers. Mary had almost forgotten how it felt to be loved and she felt him lift her hand to place it on his shoulder whilst his other hand cupped her face, all the while kissing her. Suddenly she pulled away from him, stood up and held back a sob by covering her mouth.

'Matthew, we mustn't do this. I am married, albeit to a uncaring, cold husband, but I am still married and if Richard found out, he would ruin you, he would divorce me… our whole family will be disgraced.'

'Then let him find out, if that is what it will take for me to be with you.' Matthew said, standing up to face her.

'I can't Matthew.'

'I will get you out of this marriage Mary,' Matthew vowed and Mary shrugged.

'You can't! You forget that I am a woman, I cannot divorce him on the grounds of adultery alone! I need another reason to divorce him!'

'Which you have Mary! You may divorce him upon the grounds of adultery and cruelty!' Matthew exclaimed, 'You say that people know about his infidelities with this mistress, it is impossible for you not to win this case!'

'Matthew, it is not illegal for a man to take a mistress and if people know, then it is not really adultery is it?'

'Mary! You are a well-educated woman! You know it is adulterous! Your husband is having extra marital affairs with this woman. I will get you a good lawyer Mary, I promise.' Matthew said kissing her once again and she melted into his arms.

'Ok' was her answer.

**RXR please :3 glad to know that having an interest in women's suffrage actually came in handy xD **


	7. Chapter 7

Mary woke in the morning in the arms of Matthew. She snuggled closer to him, enjoying the feeling of her skin pressed against his and she gently kissed his neck which caused him to stir.

'Good morning Matthew,' she whispered, biting gently on his neck which caused him to groan, 'it's time to wake up.' She bit slightly harder and in the blink of an eye she found herself beneath Matthew and staring up into his crystal blue eyes.

'I love you Mary Crawley,' he whispered, using her maiden name.

'I love you too,' she smiled a genuine smile at him.

'Will you marry me Mary, when you've divorced Richard?' he asked softly and tears welled up in her eyes and she kissed him passionately.

'Yes Matthew! Yes of course I will marry you! I've wanted to marry you ever since you first proposed to me all those years ago,' Mary cried and Matthew grimaced.

'Mary do not remind me of those times, it just brings pain to know that I could have been married to you all these years, we could have had children, we would be happy,' Matthew whispered, 'and Lavinia would never have caught the Spanish flu, she wouldn't have died, she wouldn't have had to endure the pain, our kiss…. How that must have killed her inside.' Matthew rolled off Mary and turned away. Mary bit her lip, hoping he wouldn't turn her away again.

'Matthew?' she said quietly, but he didn't stir and she noticed his shoulders shaking and realised that he had not really mourned Lavinia as much as he should have. He had all this inner turmoil, all these inner feelings that she had not seen before and he was about to let them out. Dread filled her as she realised that maybe she was his rebound woman, if she was somehow Lavinia in his mind.

'We're cursed.' He whispered again and Mary's heart broke all over again. This could not happen to her, not again. Mary stood up, quietly retreated to her own room and looked at her naked frame in the mirror, how she was bruised she was from Richard's beatings and how special she had felt when she had made love with Matthew, well what she thought was love. Matthew had not come after her so it was obvious that she was his Lavinia. She sighed and dressed herself, something she was not used to and walked into Matthew's room, discovering him in the same position. He didn't look up at her so she took a deep breath and spoke to him.

'Lord Grantham, you are obviously deeply troubled and I think it best if we do not see so much of one another again. Now… I will return to my husband and you will mourn the loss of your fiancé properly. I think perhaps, the next time we meet will be at my father's funeral. Good bye Matthew.' She said before walking out with her head held high, trying not to cry. She did not notice that Matthew was now staring at her in shock and was trying to think of words to say. Mary picked up the phone and requested an automobile to be sent to Downton. When she put the phone down, she noticed that 'Look for the Silver Lining' from Zip Goes a Million was still in the grammar phone. She smiled sadly and put it on, remembering that this was the song that she and Matthew had danced to. But they were cursed and she had to accept it. She was angry that she had allowed herself to believe that Matthew truly loved her, it had seemed so sincere, so truthful but as soon as Lavinia was mentioned, the fantasy world she lived in came crashing down. She jumped when the bell rang and she opened the door to see her chauffeur waiting. He picked up her luggage whilst she sat in the car and a tear fell down her cheek. Her father had gone, Matthew was gone again and she was destined to live a life of woe.

'Driver, I would like to make a quick stop first please.' Mary said when the driver sat down.

'Of course my lady,' he said, 'where to?'

'The graveyard in the village please,' Mary said softly and she took a deep breath when they pulled up to the church where she wed. She got out of the car and walked towards Lavinia's grave, smiling when she saw that it was being taken care of. Mary sat on the bench, took a deep breath and sighed, struggling to find the words to say but somehow just sitting by the grave in silence calmed her. Suddenly the chauffer walked over.

'Excuse me Lady Carlisle, if we do not leave soon, you will miss your train.' He said and Mary nodded.

'I will be with you in a moment.' Mary smiled and she got up from the bench. Crouching before Lavinia's grave she smiled, 'I expect it shall be a while until I spend time alone with you again Lavinia. Papa's funeral is to be held here but he is to be buried in the family graveyard at Downton. She pressed a kiss to her fingers and placed her fingers against the grave. She then took a handkerchief with her initials on and placed it on the grave before heading back to the car.

* * *

><p>Matthew was in shock from what Mary had said to him. He was in love with Mary but he had just given her the impression that he was still smitten with Lavinia. Yes, her death had had a huge impact on him because he did love her but it was more a brotherly love now he really thought about it and ever since Matthew had been a child, he always said and did things he didn't mean and he had just driven the love of his life away. He got dressed quickly and ran towards the staircase to see Mary by the grammar phone listening to the song they had danced to and Lavinia had caught them kissing to. He hadn't wanted to hurt Lavinia but the guilt he consumed always ate him up. The chime of the bell woke him out of his trance and he saw a chauffeur enter and Mary exit. The chauffeur came upstairs and bumped straight into Matthew.<p>

'My Lord! I am so sorry,' he cried.

'It's quite alright, I take it you are here to escort Lady Mary back home?'

'Yes, sir, if you could direct me to her luggage please,' he said and Matthew showed him to her room. The chauffeur picked up her luggage and walked down the stair, 'Have a good day Sir.' He smiled before leaving. Matthew watched through the window as he put the bags into the red automobile and then leave the long drive way. Matthew mentally slapped himself as once again he let the woman of his dreams go. Suddenly he realised that if Mary left him now, she would never come back. He quickly ran to the stables.

'You, boy!'

'Yes sir?' the stable boy said.

'I shall give you a pound if you can saddle this horse for me in less than two minutes,' Matthew cried and the stable boy grinned.

'Yes sir, right away sir!' he grinned and he quickly and skilfully saddled the horse. Matthew paid him the money and mounted the horse.

'What are you doing here anyway… I thought I dismissed everyone for two weeks,' Matthew stated and the boy shrugged.

'Someone needed to look after the 'orses sir, I volunteered,' and Matthew smiled.

'Well expect a pay rise chap,' he laughed, 'HYAH!' he whipped the reins and the horse broke into a gallop. Matthew rode towards the train station and saw that ahead, Mary's car was pulling up towards the entrance, 'come on boy, faster!' Matthew whipped the horse and found his speed increasing. He arrived just as Mary went through the station doors and stopped by the car.

'Driver! Take care of my horse!' Matthew thrust the reigns into the chauffeurs hands and ran after Mary. 'MARY!' he yelled and he looked around in desperation for her through the busy platform. 'MARY!' He bellowed again and his heart almost stopped when he saw her board the first class carriage. Making his way through the crowds of people, he ran towards her carriage and got on board and immediately spotted her sitting in a seat and starting a book. He smiled and walked towards the locomotive engineers room and paid him to stall for a while; he then sat opposite Mary, 'I thought you had gone,' he said softly and Mary jumped.

'Matthew! What are you doing here?'

'Mary, I am so sorry, please do not think that because of my behaviour this morning, my feelings toward you have changed,' Matthew reached out for her hand and she retreated from him.

'Mr Crawley, I would ask that you address me as Lady Carlisle,' Mary said coldly and Matthew knew she had retreated to her shell, her wall that hid her inner feelings deep within her.

'Lady _Carlisle_, come home…'

'That is precisely where I am going Sir! And I will hear no more of what you have to say. You may be the Earl of Grantham now Matthew, but I no longer live at Downton, I do not reside here, nor am I your wife therefore you do not have the means to tell me what I can and cannot do. I wish to return home to my husband! Now I would kindly ask that you leave me in peace!' Mary said before turning away from him.

'Of course… my lady,' he said before standing up, 'the offer will always stand Lady Mary,' he added before disembarking the train and leaving the station. Mary closed her eyes to avoid the tears but it came to no avail as they trickled out.

'Ma'am are you quite alright?' the porter asked and Mary nodded.

'Yes, thank you… I just am feeling a little under the weather,' she smiled her fake smile and resumed reading her book as the train left the station and on towards London.

**Reviews please :D**


	8. Chapter 8

Mary entered her household in London and climbed the marble stairs, taking off her leather gloves in the process.

'Welcome back my lady,' her housekeeper, Mrs Dolton, said smiling at her.

'Where is Richard and Lucy?' she asked with a tight smile on her face.

'I believe they are in the drawing room ma'am,' Mrs Dolton sighed, expecting that there would once again be another argument.

'Very good Mrs Dolton,' Mary said before making her way to the drawing room. She opened the door and the first thing she saw was the young blonde haired woman who was the mistress to her husband.

'Mary!' Lucy cried and she smiled at her.

'You may not address me by my name Lucy as if you are family, you are to call me Lady Mary, or ma'am whilst you remain under this roof.' Mary said coldly and Lucy shrunk from her piercing gaze.

'What is going on?' Richard's voice emerged as he entered the room, 'Mary darling you're back so soon.'

'You act surprised,' Mary sneered and Richard glared at her, 'My father has died Richard and the funeral is to be held next week. You are going to attend whether you like it or not and you're little harlot of a mistress is to remain here.' Mary growled and Richard took a menacing step towards his wife.

'What?'

'You heard me Richard, you are my husband and you are going to pay your respects to my father!'

'That I will do but Lucy will accompany us!' Richard bellowed at her and Mary just laughed.

'Over my dead body will she attend!'

'Lucy get out!' Richard snarled and as soon as Lucy left, Richard faced Mary and gave her a savage look, as if he wanted to tear her to shreds.

'I want her out of this house Richard! There are three of us in this marriage! I can divorce you on the grounds of being adulterous and cruel towards me and I will no longer tolerate her! She is never to step foot in this house again!' Mary yelled at him before receiving a harsh blow to the face.

'You will not tell me what to do!' he snarled and Mary laughed coldly.

'You must make a decision Richard Carlisle! It's either me or your mistress!' she laughed, flexing her jaw. Richard walked over to the window and looked at her.

'If I release you from this marriage, what's to say you won't go running off to Crawley?'

'I have not seen Matthew since our wedding day!' Mary lied and luckily Richard believed her, 'plus you cannot divorce me Richard Carlisle for I have done nothing wrong!'

'That may be true but that's not what the court will hear,' Richard laughed evilly and walked over to her. Mary swallowed and backed away from him, knowing this would end bad. 'You want to be released? You do it on my terms! You have committed adultery and you are with a bastard child!' Richard had her backed up against a wall.

'Or what?'

Richard laughed cruelly and threw her to the floor, unbuttoning his trousers. Mary started to scream, her screeching echoing through the hallways causing chills to run through the bodies of the servants and Lucy. Lucy had been standing outside the door, hearing the whole conversation, the crying of Lady Mary and the rough grunts of Richard as he raped his wife. Lucy covered her mouth and began to weep, not for her but for Mary. It was clear that their marriage was never meant to be and Richard was more attracted to herself than to his wife. Then everything went silent.

'That is what will happen,' she heard Richard say to her and she ran to another corridor as she heard him walk towards the door. When Richard had passed, Lucy ran back to the drawing room to find Lady Mary still on the floor, her face emotionless, her dress ripped and her body exposed and bruised.

'Lady Mary,' Lucy whispered and she bent over Mary, 'Lady Mary?' Mary slowly turned her head towards the blonde and looked at her with expressionless eyes.

'What do you want?'

'Do what he says, be free of him.' Lucy pleaded.

'So you may take my place and I will live in disgrace?' Mary whispered.

'It will be better than this my lady, Richard loves me…' Lucy started but she was cut off by Mary's bitter laughter as she sat up to face her.

'Richard does not know what it is to love another, only how to prevent love from prevailing between others.'

'I do not understand…'

'Matthew Crawley, the heir to Downton, to my home… he and I were in love and Richard made sure that we could not be together.'

'My Lady, if you and Mr Crawley were in love he will take you back with open arms, despite your disgrace.'

'No… I will not give into Richard. If he thinks I will cave in because he can force himself upon me, he is very much mistaken for next time he will not walk away from me untouched.' Mary vowed and Lucy gulped, 'I want you out Lucy… do you hear me? I want you to leave, I never want to lay eyes on you again. Find your own husband and do not go to bed with mine.'

'And if I don't.'

'I will have you personally removed. I can deal with Richard, he thinks me weak but I am stronger than he thinks and don't think I won't do it Lucy.'

Lucy nodded and stood up, 'I shall go and pack my things.' She said before turning on her heel and swiftly exiting the room, a plan set in her mind.

The next morning, Mary sat in the breakfast room, eating her breakfast when Richard stormed in.

'WHAT AUTHORITY DO YOU HAVE TO SEND LUCY AWAY!'

'I am your wife! The lady of the household and I will not have her here.' Mary said, not looking up from her book as she ate. This only aggravated Richard more and he moved towards her again, his temper sky high.

'You'll regret this Mary!' he snapped and Mary laughed emotionlessly.

'If you're going to force yourself upon me again you can think twice. I do not care what you do to me but as long as the whore is gone and there are not three people in this marriage or I file a divorce against you, you are stuck with me.' She said simple, turning the page of her book again.

The fact that Mary was so laid back infuriated Richard more and he roared with anger before grabbing her by the hair and throwing her up against the wall. She gasped at the pain and felt blood trickle down the side of her head before she began to laugh.

'Is that the best you can do? I am not scared of you' she taunted and Richard found himself getting angrier and angrier and angrier and a harsh smile made its way onto his lips.

'Mary, Mary, Mary, you are quite mistaken to not be scared of me,' he picked her up by the neck, choking her slightly and carried her over to the window. He chucked her against the window so that she smashed through the glass and landed onto the balcony, screaming in agony. 'Are you scared now Mary?' he yelled across the crashing sounds of the rain.

'You won't kill me Richard, you wouldn't want to go down for murder, imagine what your business world would say about you. Problems in the marriage, the death of your wife, her beaten, raped, the whole house knowing about your mistress… a little suspicious don't you think?' Mary laughed, soaked from the rain and Richard hit her one more time before leaving her out in the rain. Mary waited till he had gone before collapsing in pain, her strong façade breaking into sobs of anguish and agony.

* * *

><p>Lucy knocked on the great doors of Downton Abbey and waited for a few minutes before they opened to reveal a handsome man in his late twenties.<p>

'Sorry about that ma'am, I've given all my staff two weeks holidays, how may I help you?' he asked kindly.

'Are you Mr Matthew Crawley,' Lucy asked and Matthew nodded.

'Yes, I am. Else known now as Lord Grantham,' he laughed, 'do come in.' Matthew led Lucy to the library and poured her a cup of tea.

'My name is Lucy Grey and I am Richard Carlisle's mistress.' She said, biting her lip and Matthew looked at her shocked, 'before you say anything Sir, I want you to know that Lady Mary is in trouble.'

'What!'

'She has told Richard that you two have not set eyes upon each other since their wedding day and he believes it, however I do not, else you wouldn't be here! The point is, Lady Mary came home and delivered a few words to Richard and it didn't end well,' Lucy ran her fingers through her loose hair, 'The truth is, she told me to leave and I did. I came straight here actually.'

'What has happened Miss Grey?'

'They had a huge argument Sir, I've never seen Richard like that before. It was over me and something about a divorce. Either way it ended in him striking her again and this time he forced himself upon her. I cannot get her screams out of my head Lord Grantham, she is in trouble and you must rescue her! She is determined to rile Richard until he gives in and that is not in Richard's nature.' Lucy sobbed and Matthew blinked before standing up.

'I guess I'd best pay the Carlisle's a visit.' He said, 'and you are coming with me Miss Grey.' Matthew added before calling for a car to be sent.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, Mary had not moved from her position and just let the rain fall upon her. She would not give in to Richard if it was the last thing she did. She didn't need his permission to divorce him, in fact she would go ahead and do it no matter what he said. She winced as she picked herself up, her hands having shards of glass in them. She looked at the window in which Richard had so violently chucked her through and bit back her tears. She gingerly opened the window, wincing as she did so, and made her way towards her bedroom. Ringing for her lady's maid, Mary had the glass washed out of her hands and the rest of herself cleaned up before being dressed in a black dress. Unexpectedly, a wave of nausea hit her and she sat down on the bed.<p>

'Actually Gwendolyn, I think I shall just rest a bit. You may go.' She said, lying down, her head throbbing, the nauseas feeling not passing. After an hour she fell into a deep sleep, dreaming of the life she could have had with Matthew, their children, Downton and a smile crept onto her face as she slept. She found herself being awoken by Gwendolyn at around 4 in the afternoon and luckily her head no longer throbbed and the nausea was no longer present.

'My Lady, you and the master have a guest.' She said and Mary nodded, getting up. She walked down towards the drawing room to find Richard reading the morning paper.

'Mary,' he said coldly. As Mary sat down, Mrs Dolton opened the door.

'Lucy Grey sir,' she announced and Mary glowered as Lucy ran in, Richard opening his arms to her and kissing her.

'My darling, you have returned.' He grinned and Lucy smiled.

'Of course, I could never leave you my love.' She turned around to look at Mary and was shocked to see that Mary was in a worse condition than before, 'My lady…'

'I thought I told you to leave,' Mary hissed and Lucy shut her mouth. All three of them jumped when the doorbell chimed and once again Mrs Dolton appeared.

'Lord Grantham, Sir.' She announced and Mary's heart fluttered when Matthew entered the room.

'Well, Lord Grantham, what an honour it is for you to visit us,' Richard said, a smile plastered on his face and Matthew laughed.

'Please Sir Richard, do not call me by my title… I am still Matthew Crawley.' Matthew smiled and he turned to Mary and his jaw dropped when he saw how pale, run down, frail and scared she looked before him. His eyes were immediately drawn to the cut on the side of her head, just below her hairline, 'Cousin Mary, it's a pleasure to see you. I believe the last time we met was at your wedding.' Matthew smiled and Mary was immediately puzzled. Matthew knew that he was lying and she looked towards her husband and then to Lucy who gave her a look with her eyes and immediately she understood. Lucy had brought Matthew to her.

'Yes, I believe it was,' Mary smiled, 'and now you are Lord Grantham.'

'It would seem so, my sincerest apologies for your father's death Mary; it was most tragic and unfair that he was taken so young. I must have just missed you when I arrived at Downton.' He said before turning to Richard, 'you'd best have been taking the best care of Mary my fellow.' He grinned and Richard shot Mary a glance.

'Why yes, Mary and I have one of the strongest marriages out there.' He grinned, his eyes shining brightly again and Mary scoffed, earning a glare from her husband. But Matthew shrugged it off.

'And who is this beautiful lady?' Matthew said, pretending to notice Lucy for the first time.

'She… is a family friend.' Richard smiled tautly and Matthew nodded.

'Matthew Crawley,' he smiled at her and he shook her hand while Lucy made herself give a very convincing smitten look on her face.

'Lucy Grey,' she giggled and she felt Richard's angry gaze burn into the back of her head.

'Alright Mr Crawley, what is your reason for this unexpected visitation,' Richard said through gritted teeth and he cracked his knuckles. Mary chewed the inside of her mouth, worrying about what would happen.

'I came to inquire after Mary and to console her. Robert Crawley was as much a father to me as he was to Lady Mary,' Matthew smiled and Richard narrowed his eyes, sharply turning them to Mary who made sure her gaze was down, 'Cousin Mary, will you take a walk with me, I could use some fresh air and I think it would do you good,' he smiled and Mary stood up.

'I would be delighted,' Mary smiled.

'I would also like to discuss some family matters with you,' Matthew added.

'I think I should join since I am part of the family now,' Richard said forcefully and Matthew looked at him.

'Sir, you may be married to Lady Mary, but you are not a Crawley and therefore you do not have say nor a hear in this matter,' Matthew said sternly and even Richard looked shocked, 'Mary?' He held his arm out and Mary smiled and took it, leading her towards the grounds. As soon as they were away from prying eyes and quite deep within the forest, Matthew immediately drew Mary close to him, 'oh Mary what has he done to you,' he cried, kissing all her bruises and Mary began to cry.

'It's my fault, I provoked him. He has never been this violent to me before,' she weeped.

'What did he do?' Matthew whispered and Mary took in a deep breath and tried to steady herself but although she was not sobbing, she could not stop the tears from flowing.

'He has raped me, he has hit me and this morning he threw me through a window.' She said in a hushed whisper and Matthew pulled her close.

'I won't allow him to do this to you any longer. Lucy came to me you know, and told me to rescue you from him; so here I am.' Matthew whispered against her ear and she clung to him.

'He says we can divorce only if he divorces me but I must admit that I have been adulterous and am with child,' she whispered.

'If it means we can be together, agree… at least say that you will subject yourself to being adulterous but not to being with child.' Matthew said, stroking her hair back behind her ears before kissing her softly, 'if Richard asks what we were talking about, tell him it was a financial settlement from your father. Come home to me darling, be free by your father's funeral and know this… Lavinia is not you, yes she was a part of my life but she is the reason we are together now, she wanted me to be happy. It was unfair of me to label us as cursed when we are not, I love _you_ Mary and only you and I want you to be my wife, I want you to run Downton with me, I want you to bear my children, I want to live the rest of my life by your side.'

'Oh Matthew…' Mary breathed, 'a thousand times yes…'

**RxR please :3**


	9. Chapter 9

After Matthew had left, Mary approached her husband with a small amount of confidence. He was sitting in his armchair, glaring at the fire whilst puffing a cigar.

'Where is Lucy?' Mary asked quietly, taking a seat opposite him and Richard's eyes darted towards her and he removed the cigar from his mouth.

'Lucy has retired to her room.' He said imperturbably and Mary nodded. Richard took in her cool demeanour and instantly became suspicious. However, he decided that he needed to approach the situation carefully; some part of him loved his wife but he just wasn't good at showing it to her. Her quick and sharp tongue riled him so much and it just drove him to beat her, 'you usually cower in my presence but since Crawley's visit you seem to have been more tranquil,' he eyed her carefully as he spoke and she looked him squarely in the eye.

'Richard, first off, Matthew's visit was merely one of business to discuss the financial assets that I would be receiving seeing as my father has just died if you must know. His presence here did not affect me at all, in fact I was glad when he left.' She replied and Richard raised an eyebrow. Mary sniffed and shifted her position slightly before facing her husband again, 'I've been thinking Richard and it is clear that both you and I are unhappy in this marriage. Lucy and you are obviously in love and I do not want to fight you anymore as it only ends in me being covered in my own blood. Therefore I am willing to concede to your wishes, but only to being adulterous, not to being with child.' Mary bit her lip as she watched her husband's gaze return back to the fire.

'I do love you Mary, I just can't express it well enough,' he said and Mary realised that they had not had a conversation as calm as this since before they were married. Mary reached out and touched his knee.

'Divorce me, marry Lucy, someone who wants to be with you.'

'She'd rather be with Crawley,' Richard spat, his anger rising and Mary knew she had to calm him down.

'I don't think she does, I myself am a woman Richard and I watched her. Matthew took an interest in her but she was just merely being polite. Imagine, if you married her then you wouldn't have to worry about her eyes wondering,' Mary said softly and Richard nodded. She had never seen him appear so human and was not used to him not acting in a vicious and animalistic way towards her .

'Mary, I am so, so sorry for everything. I didn't mean for things to get so bad, will you forgive me?' he asked and Mary laughed softly.

'Richard, you have beat me, raped me and you have thrown me through a window. Those three things are completely unforgivable… but grant me a divorce and I shall forgive you, but I will never forget.' Mary breathed and Richard took another puff of his cigar.

'Alright, I will do this… I will file for a divorce because you have been adulterous,' Richard said and Mary nodded.

'Thank you,' she whispered.

'But that doesn't mean you can go running off to Crawley!'

'Richard! I have not encouraged Matthew's affections, nor have I sought them, in fact we have not been around each other enough to even consider something like that! Besides, Matthew would not want a divorcee,' Mary lied through her teeth before standing up and leaving. Richard, however, remained in his seat. Yes he would give Mary her divorce but he would not let her go without a little humiliation.

* * *

><p>Mary was surprised to find that Richard started with proceedings almost immediately, after her father's funeral of course. Things were running smoothly with the divorce until she was asked who she committed the adultery with when she stood in court.<p>

'I do not believe that is any of your business Sir,' she told her husband's top lawyer, Mr Collins, as she sat in the witness box.

'Mrs Carlisle, in order to grant your husband's divorce you must tell the court of whom you had an adulterous affair with!' the lawyer slammed his fist down in attempt to intimidate her.

'If you think you can frighten me or intimidate me into revealing who it is I have had an affair with then you are very much mistaken Mr Collins,' Mary scoffed and she suddenly noticed that Matthew was sitting in the back of the courtroom undetected. Her mother, grandmother, sisters and brother in law sat in the front benches, having heard the news and were shocked at Mary's actions. Mary knew she would have to tell them after she was free from Carlisle and she did not fear having to tell them the truth.

'Your honour,' Mr Collins cried in dispair at the judge and the judge shook his head, 'right well Lady Mary you leave me no choice but to match your coldness,' Collins said snootily and Mary rolled her eyes, 'My client, your husband tells me that he lovingly took you in knowing you were damaged goods from an affair you had had with the Turkish Diplomat Kemal Pamuk who died in your arms, in your bed,'

Mary's eyes immediately darted to her husband's in shock and she saw his cruel, cold gaze burning into her and a taunting smile snagging at his lips. Mary listened to the shock and mutterings rippling through the crowd.

'Silence in the courtroom!' the judge cried, banging the gavel down. Mary glared at Collins and Carlisle. If Richard wanted to muddy the water with his tricks then he had made a very wrong move as she had the power to turn this case onto him.

'Is this true Lady Mary?' Collins asked, his eyes glittering with what he thought was triumph.

'Yes, yes it is true. I was young and a man paid me attention, not because I was rich or the daughter of an earl, but because I was beautiful and he made me feel special. I was too naïve to realise that I should have been stronger.' Mary answered, 'but Mr Collins, if you are wanting to fight fire with fire then I'm afraid you have made a very wrong decision. You see I have not committed adultery,' Mary announced and there was another wave of murmers and once again the judge banged his gavel.

'SILENCE! Then if you have not been adulterous Lady Mary, why are we here?' he asked and Mary grinned satisfyingly at Richard who was now looking a little more scared than before.

'You see it was I who wanted the divorce from Richard, but alas, a woman cannot file for divorce on the grounds of adultery alone! My husband has a mistress, she lives with us, she dines with us, she sleeps next to my husband, she is the wife and I am the servant. I was not informed of this when I married Richard but it soon became clear that I was the insignificant one. The reason Richard could not marry Miss Lucy Grey? She was too poor, the divide of social classes would ruin his business. So while he messed around with Miss Grey, who STILL lives under my roof against my protest, I was beaten and starved. I was raped and thrown through a window and I have the bruises and scars to prove it! So you see your honour, my husband said that I could have my divorce if I said I had been adulterous and was with child, yet he has only made things worse for himself by moving the wrong checker on the board.' Mary said, smiling triumphantly at her husband and she listened to the horrified cries in the courtroom. Collins looked at Carlisle in shock and horror, whether it was because of his actions or because he was losing the case Mary did not know, nor did she care.

'If you can prove this Lady Mary…' the judge started and Mary shrugged, not caring who saw, before she began to peel of the top half of her clothing so she was left in her corsets and skirt. Her whole top half of her body had bruises and cuts on it and there was a stifling silence.

'Lady Mary, I grant you your divorce from Sir Richard Carlisle and you Sir, you are to be imprisoned for a span of 1 year, with 8 months intensive probation,' he said banging his gavel once again, 'court dismissed!'

'YOU HARLOT!' Mary heard Richard scream as officers escorted him away. Mary smiled a free smile and began to redress her top half again before being bombarded with her family.

'Mary my darling! How come you kept this from us!'

'I had to marry him, for the sake of the family! But now the secret is out and I do not care who finds out any longer. I will not have a secret from my past take hold of my life!' Mary said smiling and hugging her mother. Sybil, who was heavily pregnant and expecting birth within the next couple of weeks hugged her sister.

'Mary, you are the best eldest sister I could ever have asked for,' she laughed and suddenly Matthew appeared.

'So you are once again Lady Mary Crawley,' he said smiling at her and she faced him, not noticing Sybil rushing the family away.

'It would appear so, of course we must go through the legal system but yes I am once again Lady Mary Crawley.' Mary grinned and Matthew held out his arm for her to take and together, they left the court and joined Cora, Violet, Sybil and Edith on the trip down back to Downton.

**I know its short but I'm not getting a lot of reviews on my chapters so this makes me sad :( so they'll be shorter when I'm sad - im actually getting a bit bored of writing this story aswell… its kind of dwindled I think… im losing interest :/**


	10. Chapter 10

Matthew hosted a large dinner party that night, everyone in the family was invited to dine and stay the night, including the servants. The party was that of a buffet that everyone, except for Violet, had pitched in to make. Matthew never took his eyes off Mary the entire night as she socialised with her family and he could have sworn she was glowing with happiness and even Cora, though still in mourning, was smiling for her daughter. As the evening drew to a close, people retired to their rooms but Mary was not tired in the least and she walked into the library and took in the surroundings. Matthew had not changed anything and she smiled, admiring his loyalty towards her father, even when he had been dead for two months. She wandered over to the desk and saw sheets of paper that had titles to them with musical notes on a score underneath.

'They're lyrical poems,' Matthew's voice said, making her jump slightly.

'Matthew! You didn't half scare me!' she cried before smirking and raising an eyebrow, 'I never took you for one who wrote poetry, especially lyrical,' she added and he found himself blushing.

'Well I do, most of them are about you,' he smiled and Mary picked up the papers and read the first one entitled 'I Will Give My Love An Apple'

_I will give my love an apple without any core_

_I will give my love a house without any door_

_I will give my love a palace wherein she may be _

_And she may unlock it without any key_

_My head is the apple without any core_

_My mind is the house without any door _

_My heart is the palace wherein she may be_

_And she may unlock it without any key_

The poem brought tears to Mary's eyes and Matthew glanced at the poem.

'Ah that one,' he chuckled, 'that one is the one I am most proud of, I must admit,'

'Matthew, this is amazing and so many feelings can be interpreted from so little words,' Mary smiled softly and Matthew wound his arms around her thin waist and snuggled her from behind.

'I love you too,' he said, his hot breath brushing against her ear and making her shiver, 'but we've got to get you eating more so you're back to normal,' he laughed, popping a quick kiss on her neck.

'I ate a substantial amount today Matthew Crawley!' she protested and Matthew grinned.

'Well keep at it then,' he teased and Mary smiled softly.

'I can't wait to be your wife,' she laughed, looking at another poem

_Down by the Sally Gardens, my love and I did meet._

_She crossed the Sally Gardens with little snow-white feet._

_She bid me take love easy, as the leaves grow on the tree,_

_But I was young and foolish, and with her did not agree._

_In a field down by the river, my love and I did stand_

_And on my leaning shoulder, she laid her snow-white hand._

_She bid me take life easy, as the grass grows on the weirs_

_But I was young and foolish, and now am full of tears._

_Down by the Sally Gardens, my love and I did meet._

'Where are the sally gardens?' Mary asked curiously and Matthew shrugged.

'They can be anywhere you want my love,' he whispered, 'they can be Downton, they can be the field where I found you last November, they can be the room we met in, the first time we made love, anywhere you want.' His voice made chills run up and down her spine

'I want you to make love to me again,' Mary whispered, putting the papers down on the desk again.

'Mary my love, now we are engaged the next time I bed you I want us to be man and wife,' he grinned kissing her nose and laughing at the frown forming on her face. Suddenly a grin erupted on her face as she came up with a plan.

'Fine, as you wish Matthew,' Mary pressed herself close to Matthew and kissed his neck, 'I will abstain from your bed until we are wed,' she said, continuing to kiss his neck and he felt himself starting to give in when all of a sudden she stopped and walked off, her hips swaying from side to side. Matthew gulped and loosened his collar.

'Pull it together man!' he told himself before leaving the room for bed himself.

* * *

><p>Matthew and Mary announced their engagement two weeks after her divorce from Richard had been finalised and everyone was delighted for them. Mary had never felt more happy and she knew this was what it was supposed to feel like when you were engaged. She was marrying the man she loved and she couldn't have asked for a better future. The past was behind her and she was ready for a new life. Her wedding day came around sooner than she had expected and when she walked out of the church doors with Matthew by her side, she knew that her life was just beginning.<p>

'I love you,' Matthew whispered to her and she looked at him, tears welling up in her eyes.

'I love you too Matthew, my love.' She whispered back with a smile and Matthew took her in his arms and kissed her so passionately she thought she would never recover from it, 'now you'd best make an honest woman out of me, especially tonight,' she added, walking her fingers up his chest and Matthew laughed as he watched the last of the guests walk out.

'Why wait until tonight?' he asked, grinning cheekily before sweeping Mary off her feet and carrying her towards their bedroom. 'I am so glad I waited to have you again until you were my wife. It was better knowing that you were mine,' Matthew said, holding her naked frame close to his own.

'I am yours, I was always yours, ever since we first met and I looked down upon you so haughtily in my riding gear. What a fool I was to you,' she giggled, 'do you know I have prayed once in my adult life. It was to keep you safe during the war and God answered my prayer and returned you home,' she added and Matthew kissed her again.

'You truly amaze me Mary Crawley,' he chortled.

The days of their marriage turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and months turned into years. During this time, Matthew and Mary had two children; one son and one daughter. Their son was named Robert, and he was the splitting image of his father and their daughter was named Emma, and she looked like Mary except for her long blonde hair which she had inherited from Matthew.

When Matthew died aged 74, Mary reflected on her life remembering the good times she had had with him and when it came for her passing, she lay in her bed, her children and grandchildren surrounding her. Mary looked out the window and realised that 50 years to the day was the day that she had met Matthew Crawley and she slowly slipped away, stepping out of her body in the spirit of her younger form.

'Mary…' she heard Matthew's voice call her name and turning around she saw him standing there, he too back in his younger years. He extended his hand out to her and she took it, smiling gently as they both wondered off into the sunset.

THE END

**I hope you enjoyed it - I used classic english folksongs and poems, but I didn't know what else to write about with this story so I have brought it to an end. Thanks for the reviews and keep an eye out for the new story I'm writing on Mary and Matthew :D xx**


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